Relationships and the magical meal like you describe are one of the true gifts of living in Italy. They are also products of time, something an average American visitor may not have.
Just like I am not terribly worried about the Starbucks near the Rialto bridge and the brand new 5 Guys in the Venice train station changing the neighborhood bar and trattoria culture for locals, I am confident that Italian culture is strong enough to withstand American visitors leaving an American style tip.
Like you, I never believed American fast-food chains would gain much of a foothold. I scoffed at the idea that Starbucks would make serious inroads here. And remember when Domino's opened in Rome? I wrote about that ill-fated plan for USA Today a decade ago.
Even McDonald's -- the big U.S. chain success story in Italy -- only has 40 or so locations in Rome. That's 1.3 stores for every 100,000 residents, much less than a tenth the ratio in U.S. cities like Dayton, Ohio (15.8 per 100,000), Columbia, S.C. (14.2), Orlando (20.9), or Las Vegas (13.9).
I agree that Italian food culture is resilient. That said, cultures don’t disappear with a single blow. They are chipped away a little at a time.
Interesting story. I've never had any waiter turn down a tip, though. I never thought of excessive tipping in Italy could institutionalize it instead of making it a special gesture. Makes sense. I'm like you. I am really low maintenance in restaurants. My father set an example of what octave of screaming could send a college-aged waitress into tears. I'm very respectful. My respect also extends to tipping. If I have the cash, I'll tip 10 percent and give it personally to the waiter with a Vegas handshake, tucked into my palm. I also tip because I think wait service in Rome is the best in the world. Why? They leave you alone. I once dated a woman whose daughter worked at one of those U.S. chain restaurants you see in every suburb. She said in training, she was told by the time the customer sits and the time he leaves, you must have at least 18 contacts with him/her. Eighteen? That's one refilled Coke away from a stalking charge. Roman waiters only come over when you need them. I appreciate that, and I show my appreciation with a little pocket money.
La “istituzionalizzazione” della mancia nei termini che mi è parso di capire (chiedo scusa per eventuali fraintendimenti ma la mia conoscenza dell’inglese non è così buona) mi sembra ne snaturi un po’ il senso più profondo … così come l’introduzione di due “regole” (per turisti o locali) mi sembra poco in linea con quello spirito di accoglienza che, da italiana, mi auguro ci caratterizzi …
Hai ragione. Penso (spero?) che le gente vengano in Italia per assagiare le cose ed esperienze belle nella cultura locale. Avere standard diversi -- dove mangiare, quanto dare la mancia, cosa aspettare -- sembra a me molto controproducente. Ma so che succede, e mi piacerebbe sapere quante persone tornano a casa deluse, in parte perché la loro esperienza è stata così transazionale.
This is a beautifully crafted article. I especially appreciated the background economic contextualisation of why tipping has never really taken off in Italy together with the idea that often simple intra-human contact is more important to people than money.
Before you could pay bills online in Italy, I used to complain about having to go to the post office or the bank to pay things. Why couldn't I just mail a check? A lady I talked to in line said she'd miss the human contact. I kind of understand it, and paying at the post office is still an option. But I pay everything online.
This was both a touchy and touching article to read. Well done!
I should also mention that I could taste that Montiano in your glass. Can't go wrong with Falesco around here... You captured a very real dilemma (for travelers, and for those working in the service industry here). I can't count the number of times I'd seen that total scratched out, or had rounds of wine and after-dinner coffees and amaros "offerti" (offered, as in "complimentary"). As someone with a soul in hospitality, I feel their pleasure deeply in these gestures. All the same, it's painful living here long enough to see things changing culturally-financially and otherwise.
My advice is to follow their lead. A euro or two on the table is a gesture too. It's a drop in the ocean ultimately. It's not going to change the game, but it will buy someone a coffee when they'e digging in their pocket for change. Yes. Some places still only charge a euro! I know a guy who still charges .90. It surprises me every time.
BTW: I've lived in Rome for almost two decades cumulatively. I wonder if we've ever crossed paths!
I love when, after you've already paid for the meal, the waiter or owners says, "Vi posso offrire qualcosa? Grappa? Amaro? Caffe?" There's a place I know where they just put three or four bottles of digestivo on the table with the cute mushroom-shaped glasses, no words needed.
I haven't had a €0.90 coffee in a while. Sigh. There are a few holdouts around here at €1.00, but most have made the jump to €1.10 or €1.20.
Unfortunately (fortunately?) I tend to be a generous Italy-tipper, despite being born in Rome and knowing how to say (and write) makestaiaffa' correctly. But that's only because my dad was a maître d' in North America his whole life, and tips were brought right home (and handed to my mother). But, yeah, Eric, you hit it right on the nose. Italy is a place capitalism constantly has to butt its head against. Hopefully it'll never win outright. Thanks, grazie.
Very well said. Be appreciative of a good meal. Say thank you. Shake a hand or two. It lasts a lot longer than a handful of coins. Now, can you please explain that to @newromantimes whom I had a long exchange with around tipping. She is American and has a rather NY approach, she is now based in Rome....
Thanks, and, of course, we have the view on tipping.
I did read the article in @newromantimes. In fact, it was a factor in my decision to move this topic to the top of the list of weekly posts I was working on. But the argument that we need more tipping in Italy, not less, is something that rears its head here every once in a while and -- sadly -- things here are slowly changing in that direction.
I lived in Italy for years before an Italian waiter ever said to me "the gratuity isn't included in the bill." But it's happened to me several times in the last few years.
For a long time after I moved to Italy, my default was also not to tip, but being married to a waiter has opened my eyes to how difficult and draining the job is and how economically unsustainable it is, especially in the post-Covid era. The meal you wrote about was 15 years ago and I'm sorry to say it but things have changed since then. Rents have skyrocketed in Rome. Basic necessities are more expensive. How are service workers supposed to pay their increasingly expensive bills when salaries have not risen and they can't even count on tips to make up the difference? So while I agree that it's important to be polite, respectful, and say thanks, a handshake and a genuine expression of gratitude isn't gonna pay the bills.
And by the way, my audience at the New Roman Times is overwhelmingly American and I think the chance of them having the kind of magical meal that you did is slim. A wonderful meal, yes, but as Gillian said, relationships are the product of time, which the average American visitor may not have. And I agree with her that Italian culture is strong enough to withstand Americans leaving tips. I'm very much aware that the average Italian is underpaid. Waiters like my husband don't expect Italians to tip. They don't *expect* tips at all. But receiving tips (usually from Americans) makes a huge difference in their quality of life. With my post, I was simply trying to raise awareness among my readers that the quality of life in Italy isn't always what it seems due to economic factors that they may not be aware of.
Thanks for your thoughtful comment. I didn’t mean to single out your post, but it happened to be the most recent example of a discussion that comes up frequently, one where I have strong feelings, and the first once since I started this Substack.
To clarify, I obviously don't think the argument about tipping is the most important challenge facing Italy, but I stand by my view.
There's no doubt that Rome is increasingly expensive and that most jobs in the city pay too little. But that's part of a much broader systematic failure that can't be addressed by a band-aid solution like asking some visitors to compensate for under-valued labor, and to do so only for a small fraction of the workforce.
If tipping 20% or 25% became the norm here I worry your husband and other service industry workers would still have teh same problems since that would give restaurant owners license to lower their base pay -- a pattern we’ve seen elsewhere.
I understand you have a specific audience. But suggesting a different set of rules for American visitors creates incentives for restaurants to to cater to them rather than to repeat customers like you and me and most of our friends, and that quickens the hollowing out of the historic centers that none of us want.
I don't think it's because of tipping, but the place where the magical meal I discussed took place ended up being a victim of that trend, closing several years ago and being replaced by a place catering to tour groups and Mirko is no longer in the restautant business. Rome is slightly poorer because of that.
We agree that the problem of low wages you have focused on is very real. It's a big ask, but I think the solution involves the government establishing a fair minimum wage and working toward some kind of Universal Basic Income. Stop-gap solutions only allow the current flawed system to limp ahead.
To conclude, I also agree with Gillian's valid point that Italian food culture is strong. Thank goodness it is. But as I noted in my response to her, important cultural practices don't disappear between one day and the next -- they slowly erode away.
Eric, complimenti! This is a fantastic article and you’ve managed to beautifully put into words exactly how I feel about tipping both here and in the United States.
Tipping in the United States has evolved into something entirely different from what it once was. It’s no longer a gesture of appreciation for good service—it’s essentially an added fee. I often find myself wondering why restaurants don’t just include it in the bill outright. At this point, it feels mandatory, unrelated to the quality of service, and anything less than 25% is often seen as unacceptable.
My husband and I follow the Italian—specifically Roman—approach to tipping. When the owner is the one serving you, you generally leave nothing. If it’s regular waitstaff, a small amount—a few coins—is more than enough as a sign of gratitude.
One thing that often strikes me is how poorly some Americans come across when they tip excessively in Italy. It can give the impression that they’re either extremely wealthy or carelessly throwing money around, which at the very least can make them easy targets for theft.
Whenever American friends visit, I try to gently explain that they need to let go of the guilt around tipping. In Italy, it’s important to follow local customs rather than importing American habits.
You mentioned two things here that I left out to avoid going long. The most important is that that overtipping by well-intentioned Americans can make them look silly or careless. And, also, that there's no need to tip the owner of a restaurant.
Hear hear to your point about following local customs rather than applying the American way of doing things everywhere!
You tip a few coins and you will be a cheapskate or "morto di fame" Better to leave nothing and you get a whispered vaffanculo! I am Italian and I DO tip waiters. I do not when service is bad or poor. But yes I do tip.
I don't say I don't tip, I say I'm against obligatory tips or 25-percent tips. But as the article says, I'm happy to pay extra when the experience merits it.
I'm sorry you've had that kind of "vaffanculo" experience. There are a few maleducati wherever you go, and I can't defend that kind of thing. Just go to a different place next time.
Add ... You're point on U.S. tipping is well taken. When I visited in July for the first time in five years, I saw the credit card machines had three options for tips: 23 percent, 28 percent and ... 33 percent! In New York, while I pondered how I could get out of tipping for a very overpriced meal in a casual restaurant, she glared at me with her fat arms crossed until I chose. What happened to 15 percent?
According to the Pew info, the last time the average urban tip in the U.S. was 15% or lower was around 1995. I came of age thinking 15% was the norm but my dad used to complain that it used to be 10%. The numbers change but the sentiment remains the same.
Funny that Mirko got a caffe' corretto the morning after. That gives you an indication of how difficult it is to run a restaurant. Don't know about Rome, but in Milan you never see anybody get a caffe' corretto in the morning. I think even the Veneti restrain themselves here.
I totally agree that I wouldn't want tipping to become institutionalized at Italian restaurants, in part cause those costs are already baked into the bill to some extent (maybe a plate of carbonara at Mirko's costs 15 instead of 13 because you DON'T have to leave a tip). That said, if an happy-go-lucky America loves his Roman meal so much that he wants to tip 25% - even though he's been advised that's not the norm here - I say let him go for it.
I don't think Mirko was disappointed to have an extra €50. But he really went above and beyond normal service and I think he would have appreciated a nice thanks. After extraordinary meals, I don't just leave a decent tip but I've taken selfies with the waiters, asked to meet the chef, etc.
After posting this I sent it to Mirko and reminded of that evening. It was around 15 years ago and I rarely see him because I no longer live in that area, but he said he still remembers the dinner and our conversation the next day very well.
Was Mirko the owner of the restaurant? In that case, when the owner brings you the bill, they typically do not take tips. Another important thing: the bill was €220, but he crossed it out with a pen and wrote €200 instead. This means he gave you a 10% discount, but it’s common practice that when such a discount is given, a receipt is not issued — meaning taxes are not paid. Mirko not only committed tax evasion but was also deeply unfair to his staff. In Italy, tips are usually pooled and shared with the kitchen staff, including the dishwasher.
Lastly, law enforcement officers and public administration workers are not given tips — neither in Italy nor in the United States. Giving tips to someone who works for the state is considered bribing.
Relationships and the magical meal like you describe are one of the true gifts of living in Italy. They are also products of time, something an average American visitor may not have.
Just like I am not terribly worried about the Starbucks near the Rialto bridge and the brand new 5 Guys in the Venice train station changing the neighborhood bar and trattoria culture for locals, I am confident that Italian culture is strong enough to withstand American visitors leaving an American style tip.
Like you, I never believed American fast-food chains would gain much of a foothold. I scoffed at the idea that Starbucks would make serious inroads here. And remember when Domino's opened in Rome? I wrote about that ill-fated plan for USA Today a decade ago.
Even McDonald's -- the big U.S. chain success story in Italy -- only has 40 or so locations in Rome. That's 1.3 stores for every 100,000 residents, much less than a tenth the ratio in U.S. cities like Dayton, Ohio (15.8 per 100,000), Columbia, S.C. (14.2), Orlando (20.9), or Las Vegas (13.9).
I agree that Italian food culture is resilient. That said, cultures don’t disappear with a single blow. They are chipped away a little at a time.
P.S. I tried to hyperlink to my 2016 USA Today article mentioned in the previous comment, but Substack won't let me do it. So here's the link:
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/world/2016/03/07/american-pizza-and-espresso-want-invade-italy/81405728/
Interesting story. I've never had any waiter turn down a tip, though. I never thought of excessive tipping in Italy could institutionalize it instead of making it a special gesture. Makes sense. I'm like you. I am really low maintenance in restaurants. My father set an example of what octave of screaming could send a college-aged waitress into tears. I'm very respectful. My respect also extends to tipping. If I have the cash, I'll tip 10 percent and give it personally to the waiter with a Vegas handshake, tucked into my palm. I also tip because I think wait service in Rome is the best in the world. Why? They leave you alone. I once dated a woman whose daughter worked at one of those U.S. chain restaurants you see in every suburb. She said in training, she was told by the time the customer sits and the time he leaves, you must have at least 18 contacts with him/her. Eighteen? That's one refilled Coke away from a stalking charge. Roman waiters only come over when you need them. I appreciate that, and I show my appreciation with a little pocket money.
La “istituzionalizzazione” della mancia nei termini che mi è parso di capire (chiedo scusa per eventuali fraintendimenti ma la mia conoscenza dell’inglese non è così buona) mi sembra ne snaturi un po’ il senso più profondo … così come l’introduzione di due “regole” (per turisti o locali) mi sembra poco in linea con quello spirito di accoglienza che, da italiana, mi auguro ci caratterizzi …
Hai ragione. Penso (spero?) che le gente vengano in Italia per assagiare le cose ed esperienze belle nella cultura locale. Avere standard diversi -- dove mangiare, quanto dare la mancia, cosa aspettare -- sembra a me molto controproducente. Ma so che succede, e mi piacerebbe sapere quante persone tornano a casa deluse, in parte perché la loro esperienza è stata così transazionale.
No capisce io. Hahah.
This is a beautifully crafted article. I especially appreciated the background economic contextualisation of why tipping has never really taken off in Italy together with the idea that often simple intra-human contact is more important to people than money.
Before you could pay bills online in Italy, I used to complain about having to go to the post office or the bank to pay things. Why couldn't I just mail a check? A lady I talked to in line said she'd miss the human contact. I kind of understand it, and paying at the post office is still an option. But I pay everything online.
This was both a touchy and touching article to read. Well done!
I should also mention that I could taste that Montiano in your glass. Can't go wrong with Falesco around here... You captured a very real dilemma (for travelers, and for those working in the service industry here). I can't count the number of times I'd seen that total scratched out, or had rounds of wine and after-dinner coffees and amaros "offerti" (offered, as in "complimentary"). As someone with a soul in hospitality, I feel their pleasure deeply in these gestures. All the same, it's painful living here long enough to see things changing culturally-financially and otherwise.
My advice is to follow their lead. A euro or two on the table is a gesture too. It's a drop in the ocean ultimately. It's not going to change the game, but it will buy someone a coffee when they'e digging in their pocket for change. Yes. Some places still only charge a euro! I know a guy who still charges .90. It surprises me every time.
BTW: I've lived in Rome for almost two decades cumulatively. I wonder if we've ever crossed paths!
I love when, after you've already paid for the meal, the waiter or owners says, "Vi posso offrire qualcosa? Grappa? Amaro? Caffe?" There's a place I know where they just put three or four bottles of digestivo on the table with the cute mushroom-shaped glasses, no words needed.
I haven't had a €0.90 coffee in a while. Sigh. There are a few holdouts around here at €1.00, but most have made the jump to €1.10 or €1.20.
Via Montebuono. Bar Girasole! :)
Unfortunately (fortunately?) I tend to be a generous Italy-tipper, despite being born in Rome and knowing how to say (and write) makestaiaffa' correctly. But that's only because my dad was a maître d' in North America his whole life, and tips were brought right home (and handed to my mother). But, yeah, Eric, you hit it right on the nose. Italy is a place capitalism constantly has to butt its head against. Hopefully it'll never win outright. Thanks, grazie.
I always thought it was five words: Ma che stai a fa'?
Pensa un po'!
Very well said. Be appreciative of a good meal. Say thank you. Shake a hand or two. It lasts a lot longer than a handful of coins. Now, can you please explain that to @newromantimes whom I had a long exchange with around tipping. She is American and has a rather NY approach, she is now based in Rome....
Thanks, and, of course, we have the view on tipping.
I did read the article in @newromantimes. In fact, it was a factor in my decision to move this topic to the top of the list of weekly posts I was working on. But the argument that we need more tipping in Italy, not less, is something that rears its head here every once in a while and -- sadly -- things here are slowly changing in that direction.
I lived in Italy for years before an Italian waiter ever said to me "the gratuity isn't included in the bill." But it's happened to me several times in the last few years.
For a long time after I moved to Italy, my default was also not to tip, but being married to a waiter has opened my eyes to how difficult and draining the job is and how economically unsustainable it is, especially in the post-Covid era. The meal you wrote about was 15 years ago and I'm sorry to say it but things have changed since then. Rents have skyrocketed in Rome. Basic necessities are more expensive. How are service workers supposed to pay their increasingly expensive bills when salaries have not risen and they can't even count on tips to make up the difference? So while I agree that it's important to be polite, respectful, and say thanks, a handshake and a genuine expression of gratitude isn't gonna pay the bills.
And by the way, my audience at the New Roman Times is overwhelmingly American and I think the chance of them having the kind of magical meal that you did is slim. A wonderful meal, yes, but as Gillian said, relationships are the product of time, which the average American visitor may not have. And I agree with her that Italian culture is strong enough to withstand Americans leaving tips. I'm very much aware that the average Italian is underpaid. Waiters like my husband don't expect Italians to tip. They don't *expect* tips at all. But receiving tips (usually from Americans) makes a huge difference in their quality of life. With my post, I was simply trying to raise awareness among my readers that the quality of life in Italy isn't always what it seems due to economic factors that they may not be aware of.
Thanks for your thoughtful comment. I didn’t mean to single out your post, but it happened to be the most recent example of a discussion that comes up frequently, one where I have strong feelings, and the first once since I started this Substack.
To clarify, I obviously don't think the argument about tipping is the most important challenge facing Italy, but I stand by my view.
There's no doubt that Rome is increasingly expensive and that most jobs in the city pay too little. But that's part of a much broader systematic failure that can't be addressed by a band-aid solution like asking some visitors to compensate for under-valued labor, and to do so only for a small fraction of the workforce.
If tipping 20% or 25% became the norm here I worry your husband and other service industry workers would still have teh same problems since that would give restaurant owners license to lower their base pay -- a pattern we’ve seen elsewhere.
I understand you have a specific audience. But suggesting a different set of rules for American visitors creates incentives for restaurants to to cater to them rather than to repeat customers like you and me and most of our friends, and that quickens the hollowing out of the historic centers that none of us want.
I don't think it's because of tipping, but the place where the magical meal I discussed took place ended up being a victim of that trend, closing several years ago and being replaced by a place catering to tour groups and Mirko is no longer in the restautant business. Rome is slightly poorer because of that.
We agree that the problem of low wages you have focused on is very real. It's a big ask, but I think the solution involves the government establishing a fair minimum wage and working toward some kind of Universal Basic Income. Stop-gap solutions only allow the current flawed system to limp ahead.
To conclude, I also agree with Gillian's valid point that Italian food culture is strong. Thank goodness it is. But as I noted in my response to her, important cultural practices don't disappear between one day and the next -- they slowly erode away.
Eric, complimenti! This is a fantastic article and you’ve managed to beautifully put into words exactly how I feel about tipping both here and in the United States.
Tipping in the United States has evolved into something entirely different from what it once was. It’s no longer a gesture of appreciation for good service—it’s essentially an added fee. I often find myself wondering why restaurants don’t just include it in the bill outright. At this point, it feels mandatory, unrelated to the quality of service, and anything less than 25% is often seen as unacceptable.
My husband and I follow the Italian—specifically Roman—approach to tipping. When the owner is the one serving you, you generally leave nothing. If it’s regular waitstaff, a small amount—a few coins—is more than enough as a sign of gratitude.
One thing that often strikes me is how poorly some Americans come across when they tip excessively in Italy. It can give the impression that they’re either extremely wealthy or carelessly throwing money around, which at the very least can make them easy targets for theft.
Whenever American friends visit, I try to gently explain that they need to let go of the guilt around tipping. In Italy, it’s important to follow local customs rather than importing American habits.
Thank you, Wendy!
You mentioned two things here that I left out to avoid going long. The most important is that that overtipping by well-intentioned Americans can make them look silly or careless. And, also, that there's no need to tip the owner of a restaurant.
Hear hear to your point about following local customs rather than applying the American way of doing things everywhere!
You tip a few coins and you will be a cheapskate or "morto di fame" Better to leave nothing and you get a whispered vaffanculo! I am Italian and I DO tip waiters. I do not when service is bad or poor. But yes I do tip.
I don't say I don't tip, I say I'm against obligatory tips or 25-percent tips. But as the article says, I'm happy to pay extra when the experience merits it.
I'm sorry you've had that kind of "vaffanculo" experience. There are a few maleducati wherever you go, and I can't defend that kind of thing. Just go to a different place next time.
Add ... You're point on U.S. tipping is well taken. When I visited in July for the first time in five years, I saw the credit card machines had three options for tips: 23 percent, 28 percent and ... 33 percent! In New York, while I pondered how I could get out of tipping for a very overpriced meal in a casual restaurant, she glared at me with her fat arms crossed until I chose. What happened to 15 percent?
According to the Pew info, the last time the average urban tip in the U.S. was 15% or lower was around 1995. I came of age thinking 15% was the norm but my dad used to complain that it used to be 10%. The numbers change but the sentiment remains the same.
Funny that Mirko got a caffe' corretto the morning after. That gives you an indication of how difficult it is to run a restaurant. Don't know about Rome, but in Milan you never see anybody get a caffe' corretto in the morning. I think even the Veneti restrain themselves here.
I totally agree that I wouldn't want tipping to become institutionalized at Italian restaurants, in part cause those costs are already baked into the bill to some extent (maybe a plate of carbonara at Mirko's costs 15 instead of 13 because you DON'T have to leave a tip). That said, if an happy-go-lucky America loves his Roman meal so much that he wants to tip 25% - even though he's been advised that's not the norm here - I say let him go for it.
Yes! That's exactly why I included that detail!
I don't think Mirko was disappointed to have an extra €50. But he really went above and beyond normal service and I think he would have appreciated a nice thanks. After extraordinary meals, I don't just leave a decent tip but I've taken selfies with the waiters, asked to meet the chef, etc.
After posting this I sent it to Mirko and reminded of that evening. It was around 15 years ago and I rarely see him because I no longer live in that area, but he said he still remembers the dinner and our conversation the next day very well.
Next time I come to Rome I want to go to that restaurant with you. Is it still open??
You've been there! We sat outside, the weather was super hot. The name was the Osteria del Campidoglio. But it no longer operates.
Yes, I remember!
How much of a tip did we leave?
Was Mirko the owner of the restaurant? In that case, when the owner brings you the bill, they typically do not take tips. Another important thing: the bill was €220, but he crossed it out with a pen and wrote €200 instead. This means he gave you a 10% discount, but it’s common practice that when such a discount is given, a receipt is not issued — meaning taxes are not paid. Mirko not only committed tax evasion but was also deeply unfair to his staff. In Italy, tips are usually pooled and shared with the kitchen staff, including the dishwasher.
Lastly, law enforcement officers and public administration workers are not given tips — neither in Italy nor in the United States. Giving tips to someone who works for the state is considered bribing.